Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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