where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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