a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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