I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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