; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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