Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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