JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
where are my eyebrows?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
