Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize