It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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