She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize