I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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