Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize