Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The adults are the big ones right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
