I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
