wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am available for nakedness
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
