$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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