chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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