I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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