She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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