Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
