one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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