I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
