Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
