He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
