Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
