"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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