I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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