God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
