I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
