Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize