Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
