i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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