The police scanner is talking about you again....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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