What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
