you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
