You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
