____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
