He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
