So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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