She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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