the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
