why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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