He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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