last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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