What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
