i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
