Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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