I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
