You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize