I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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