Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
