you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
