my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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