omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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