maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
