I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
