i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
