I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize