i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
