is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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