eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize