Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
