he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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