I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
