Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
