I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
