after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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