I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
