She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
