I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
