totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
