We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
